Gratitude

Today has been a day of awakening. I have been pondering my life lately because of it's craziness, my weight gain, my lack of exercising, and my inconsistent scripture study. All of those things made me concerned about the direction my life is going. I know it started with so many days of being away from home and so many days of company. My life slowly got out of whack. I started to want to be released from my calling, I noticed my life had become centered more on the world and less on the Lord. So I started making sure I got my scriptures in, praying more sincerely, and I noticed slowly but surely I was starting to improve in all the other areas. Until today, I was sitting down and realized, I have been a pitiful martyr. I am sure not much of a surprise to my children. I have never thought of that as a possibility of an inherited weakness, but I think it is and I have it. As I wrote in my journal today I realized I have been a big martyr. I have worn it as a badge of honor almost. I realized my gratitude had all but disappeared. As I thought about Ruby and Miles coming on Sunday and staying with us for the following 9 days, I was excited and concerned about our ability to do that. I started thinking about when I took care of Tanner and Kate, and how I hardly had a minute to myself. I realized my life truly is my own. I also realized that is one of the reasons Tanner and Kate both love me so much. I was reminded powerfully in Helaman 14:30-31 that Heavenly Father said: "ye are free to act for yourselves; for behold, God hath given unto you a knowledge and he hath made you free." That really stood out to me. Freedom of choice is a God given gift. It is up to me to make my choices and be grateful for that right. When I make a choice to not murmur or use it as an opportunity to be a martyr. Instead be grateful for the opportunity and ability to perform the choice. I realized that a lot of my struggles lately have been from my lack of gratitude. I am going to try to repent and be more grateful.

I also saw a great talk on the BYU channel about discovering our gifts, developing it, then sharing it. It was great, I realized I can do much better there also. I don't want any of my gifts to be taken away. I wish Women's Conf talks were written out on the internet, but they aren't. It might be possible to download on a mp3 player though.

After that talk I realized I should share my recent experience, I am so grateful for the Lord, His love for us and the evidence of that all around me, having my own scriptures, the Ensign, the BYU channel, the Joseph Smith Manual, and so many helps throughout this life. To be able to have a modern day prophet, the list could go on forever. I have a healthy body and mind, I have great stamina (not as much as I used to have), and a wonderful family. I am blessed with all the comforts of life and then some.

My cold is slowly but surely going away, we are having a wood shed built, and buying a small generator. We are trying to be "prepared". Tomorrow is our day camp, I am excited and grateful the day is finally here. I am excited for the boys it should be a fun, spiritual and a learning experience. I am reading a book about a man that hiked the Appalachian Trail, it is entertaining and educational. Today I am trying to get ready for an 11 month little boy (Miles) to roam my house, and last minute stuff for tomorrow (packing the car and making cookies). I had all my prep for tomorrow done a few days ago, aren't you impressed. Well, I need to get busy or I will not be ready for the kiddles.

I love you all!