Reflections, odds and ends and the World of Shower denial

You gotta love clearance items. They give you the excuse to buy things that you don't need, but want! The UPS truck (the exciting package truck) brought this cool vintage car cupcake pan today. I saw it on clearance and as my mother taught me, "I just couldn't leave it there!" I am going to Lizzie's next week and I am so excited to use it with the little man that LOVES CARS!!! Will take pics and blog them next week!!!

I have decided that the shower is the world of great denial, we think we sound better in the shower, and I have decided that I could write the most eloquent talks, blogs, and lessons in the shower. I think of the most amazing way to say things, have the most amazing thoughts. Then when I get out of the shower they disappear. Very strange!

I read the most beautiful talk today that I have read in a long time. It was by Joseph B. Wirthlin in the Nov 07 conference issue. It is called The Great Commandment. It is the most comforting wonderful talk on loving others and the love of our Father in Heaven and the Savior. I recommend it highly. I want to use it someday as a talk. I want to put it somewhere where I can read it over and over again. It brought me great joy.

The last 4 weeks have also reminded me the importance of truly understanding the atonement. Of the importance of Christlike love. Of letting go of peoples imperfections and seeing who they are today. Of looking at the big picture. Recognizing we are not in peoples hearts or heads. A talk I saw on the BYU channel a man quoted a talk by Elder Ballard that said we shouldn't categorize people into active,inactive... etc. He said the Lord is the only one that sees our heart. He said someone could go to church sparingly or not at all, but have be the most serving Christlike person. Someone else could go to church just to get exposure for politics and be totally active, but not be serving anyone but themselves. These things are not always easy to do, but so very important for our happiness and for out hearts. If we love people for who they are, our heart is softened and we can feel the spirit easier. If we are carrying judgment and grudges, our heart can't be soft and it is really hard for the spirit to reach us. Again, I know not always easy, but a very good goal to reach for. I remember a talk that I can't find where an apostle talked about how we would never lay our dirty underwear out for others to see, so we shouldn't lay our sins or others out for everyone to see. I think we could all do better to leave ours and others sins in the past. Enough of that!

The last two weeks have been very hard. I would say that the last few weeks of January and the first few weeks of February will go down in my life as one of the hardest months. I am grateful that after tomorrow, this part of that time will be over. At least I hope.

The last month I have been trying desperately to lose weight every week, because I am not at my goal weight and my boss said, or at least I thought she said, that I had to lose every week until I got there. Well, since that is physically impossible to control, I have felt a lot of pressure and anxiety. I have not liked it, and it has been mounting now for the last 3 weeks. I have had to resort to healthy, but not the right ways in my opinion to lose weight every week. Well, after last week, losing a grandma and an uncle, being out of town, worrying about my weight and losing my job for a month, it was just too much. Then another stressful family thing, and I finally gained for the first time in a month and a week. I was stressed out of my mind waiting for my boss to call or email me. This morning I didn't get out of bed until about 10:00am, (totally not normal for me) ate my breakfast in bed, didn't exercise, (big bells going off now, totally not normal for me) proceeded to watch TV in my robe and eat things I wouldn't normally eat. After all if I'm not going to be a leader for a month, whats one day going to hurt! Then finally after waiting for 24 hours for my boss to call and let me know the word, she calls. She then proceeds to tell me that after my two hellacious weeks she would never let me go for gaining 1.4lbs. She then continues on to be compassionate, and then tells me all she expects is for me to lose every month, not every week!!!!!! How did I get that mixed up. Interestingly enough, I immediately had no desire for the chips I had been eating. I felt the most tremendous relief that I have felt in 6 weeks. I felt like I could take care of me in the manner I need to. I felt like I could follow program the way I believe in. I felt so HAPPY!!!!! I got out the Ensign, and read that article I mentioned. It was the frosting on the cake!

Well the day is not over and I need to exercise, the old me is back!!!! So I better quit for now. I am going to my Uncle's Funeral tomorrow. I will be able to see some people I haven't seen for a long time. It should be nice. I love you all!!!

Grief

Today (Tuesday, it is way to late to be posting!) was a strange day. I got up early, exercised, started to read my scriptures, and at 3:30 still hadn't finished my scriptures, was still in my exercise clothes, still sitting in my bedroom trying to finish my scriptures, taking phone calls from family and soliciters, wishing I didn't own a cell phone. The cell phone would ring, then the regular phone would ring, (one right after the other) then call waiting would click in. I'm not complaining, just reporting. Amidst all this tears would come. I thought because I was so happy yesterday that I wasn't going to have to grieve, I assumed I had done that years ago when the grandma I knew was fading. Surprise, I don't get out of it! Its okay, Elder Oaks said the deeper the grief the deeper the love. I realize all over again, it is a part of mortality and no one gets out of it. So I will walk through it.

I love you all!! ( that includes my adopted blog daughters!)

Grandma Grace and Agate Surprise

My sweet little Grandma died this morning a little before 7:00am. She was a person that gave and gave. She was the grandma that lived around me most of my life. She made one of my Prom dresses, made a beautiful dress that I wore for my engagement picture, and multitudes of other hand made pillows, a beautiful lap quilt, many pot holders, a large quilt I wore out and I'm sure many other things I have not mentioned. She taught me to crochet, to serve, how to be a grandma. I loved going to her house, she had so many treasures. I loved looking at all her antiques, especially the trinkets. I would look for the things with my name on it. I have her cup that was hers when she was a child. It must have been a tradition in her family to have your own unique cup. She was there for me when I had a teenage heartbreak. I loved her dearly. The last few years were hard for me. I went through times of guilt and finally peace. It was hard to say goodbye over and over again, I am sure I looked callous to my children. I suppose it could have appeared and maybe was selfishness, it was just hard to say goodbye over and over again. I was grateful for the time of being her caretaker when my parents were on their mission. It was a good time for me to have very sacred private moments with her in the hospital when she thought she was going to die. People say things at that time that they don't say at other times. I see her in my mind now in the Spirit World, dancing and singing and laughing. I'm sure she is running and skipping with her sisters. She loved her sisters especially Donna. What a day this has been for her. Then I also see 1000's of spirits come to thank her for all the work she turned into the temple. Since I can remember she has been doing geneology and turning names into the temple. She has certainly earned her spot in the next life. I look forward to the time we are all together without our earthly warts, when we will see each other as we truly are without the baggage we carry around in this earth life. How joyous that will be!

After the news on this glorious day Steve and I went for a walk. First I found a whole sand dollar, which is a rare find on our beach. I said what a nice gift from my grandmother, Steve laughed and I said, "like she has nothing better to do than walk around and find me a sand dollar!" We then found some amazing agates. It was awesome. We were about to give up at first and then I found the biggest agate I have ever found. Steve found the second biggest one for today at the same time. Then we just continued to find them. I know that it will not appear in the pic that they are all agates, but they are. Someday when I get back to tumbling I will have many more beautiful shiny rocks.

The pics don't do the big agate justice, I used an egg to try to have you see the size, but I think it makes it look smaller than it is. Oh well, you will all see it when you come next. After lunch I donated blood. So all in all it has been a wonderful day. I am so very happy for my grandma. What a glorious day for her! I love you all!!!

Saturday

Well, I got up and decided, ww's with Ruby would defeat the purpose, and we could have way more fun at home. So inbetween breakfast and movies, we finished the cookies.

Close up of the cookies she did all by herself! gotta eat some sprinkles along the way
Then went upstairs to make a potions box.
Ruby is majorly into Shrek, and there are potions in Shrek. It ended up being a treasure box I think. You know how little kids are they change their minds sometimes midstream. She actually did kind of hold the fabric as we sewed this time. She always gets tired before we get done, but she lasts quite a while. I wished I had done this with all my granddaughters, and grandsons if they want to. Then she took a nap and then back to mom and dad. I asked her if she wanted to go to Freddies with me before we went back to her mom and dad, she said straight back to mom and dad, she was way too tired to go to the store. Of course she was running and screaming as soon as we got to her mom and dad. Miles was smiling like crazy, but of course I didn't have my camera.

Well, church was great.
love you all!

Tea Party w/Ruby

When Ruby came today she said she wanted to do a tea party with allllll the stuff. So we got out the tea set and Bernie(Steve) made the soy hot chocolate (much to Bernie's dismay). We made sugar cookies, set out cherry tomatoes, carrots, and oranges. We had (soymilk) cream of course. I was Matilda, Ruby was Cordilla. We talked all about our families and our husbands are quite silly, they rode horses out in the rain today, mine fell off and hurt himself, Rubys got sick and had to go to bed. Her children were all sick also. We had a great time. Bernie didn't last long, he had to go home early. Cordilla ate the majority of our little tiny cookies, and carrots, and lots of hot chocolate. It was my first tea party with her. Tomorrow we are going to go to weight watchers maybe, then to the bay front to get one of Jakes b-day presents we couldn't get in the valley, and then to Freddies for food. When we get home we are going to finish the cookies. I think she is going to spend the night with them tomorrow up at our Newport house. Well, it is almost midnight, so I will sign off!
Love you all!

Exercise ugh! Aliese's Doll dresses

Well, it has been forever since I posted. No one has nagged me to post, so that means one of two things. Either everyone is very busy, or I am very boring!!!

Today is one of those frustrating days where everything doesn't go as planned. The day started late and I am still in my exercise clothes and just finished exercising. It is 3:50!!! I haven't had lunch, so needless to say am very hungry, wanting all the junk food in the world. On top of that I dont' think I will ever get to the point that I love resistence exercise, or Ab training. Today Steve said I looked like I was in mental and physical pain as I was wining about having to exercise while I was hugging the corner of the wall. I told him I was in mental and physical pain. Exercising is such a deep value for me that if I don't do it I feel incredibly bad about myself. And now that I have started doing weights and abs, I feel I have to do those 3 times a week, ugggghhhhh!!!!! I do them because I don't want to lose any more muscle, and to support my body, and it helps to keep my metabolism up. I bet our ancestors look at me and others and shake there head. Oh well, enough complaining.

Here are Aliese's little dresses that I made for her doll for her b-day.Had a busy weekend last weekend, an all day pres mtg at our presidents house in Toledo.
Saturday and Sunday traveled to Corvallis for Stake Conference, it was great. Ruby is coming today! She is staying with us at least tonight and maybe tomorrow. We went to Jakes and Lyndsey's on Wed to give Jake his b-day presents it was fun to see how fast Miles is growing.
Otherwise life as normal! Tired of gray skies, wind, high seas, and rain. I think I am on the negative side. I think I will blame it on hormones, I have hot flashes now an average of about 1 an hour. I am eating well and exercising, so I hope that means the end is coming. I hope that isn't wishful thinking. I know there must be a purpose in this, but it hasn't come to me yet. Maybe by the time you all start going through the "CHANGE" I will know and be able to give you all great words of wisdom. HA!

Well, Love you all