Reflections, odds and ends and the World of Shower denial

You gotta love clearance items. They give you the excuse to buy things that you don't need, but want! The UPS truck (the exciting package truck) brought this cool vintage car cupcake pan today. I saw it on clearance and as my mother taught me, "I just couldn't leave it there!" I am going to Lizzie's next week and I am so excited to use it with the little man that LOVES CARS!!! Will take pics and blog them next week!!!

I have decided that the shower is the world of great denial, we think we sound better in the shower, and I have decided that I could write the most eloquent talks, blogs, and lessons in the shower. I think of the most amazing way to say things, have the most amazing thoughts. Then when I get out of the shower they disappear. Very strange!

I read the most beautiful talk today that I have read in a long time. It was by Joseph B. Wirthlin in the Nov 07 conference issue. It is called The Great Commandment. It is the most comforting wonderful talk on loving others and the love of our Father in Heaven and the Savior. I recommend it highly. I want to use it someday as a talk. I want to put it somewhere where I can read it over and over again. It brought me great joy.

The last 4 weeks have also reminded me the importance of truly understanding the atonement. Of the importance of Christlike love. Of letting go of peoples imperfections and seeing who they are today. Of looking at the big picture. Recognizing we are not in peoples hearts or heads. A talk I saw on the BYU channel a man quoted a talk by Elder Ballard that said we shouldn't categorize people into active,inactive... etc. He said the Lord is the only one that sees our heart. He said someone could go to church sparingly or not at all, but have be the most serving Christlike person. Someone else could go to church just to get exposure for politics and be totally active, but not be serving anyone but themselves. These things are not always easy to do, but so very important for our happiness and for out hearts. If we love people for who they are, our heart is softened and we can feel the spirit easier. If we are carrying judgment and grudges, our heart can't be soft and it is really hard for the spirit to reach us. Again, I know not always easy, but a very good goal to reach for. I remember a talk that I can't find where an apostle talked about how we would never lay our dirty underwear out for others to see, so we shouldn't lay our sins or others out for everyone to see. I think we could all do better to leave ours and others sins in the past. Enough of that!

The last two weeks have been very hard. I would say that the last few weeks of January and the first few weeks of February will go down in my life as one of the hardest months. I am grateful that after tomorrow, this part of that time will be over. At least I hope.

The last month I have been trying desperately to lose weight every week, because I am not at my goal weight and my boss said, or at least I thought she said, that I had to lose every week until I got there. Well, since that is physically impossible to control, I have felt a lot of pressure and anxiety. I have not liked it, and it has been mounting now for the last 3 weeks. I have had to resort to healthy, but not the right ways in my opinion to lose weight every week. Well, after last week, losing a grandma and an uncle, being out of town, worrying about my weight and losing my job for a month, it was just too much. Then another stressful family thing, and I finally gained for the first time in a month and a week. I was stressed out of my mind waiting for my boss to call or email me. This morning I didn't get out of bed until about 10:00am, (totally not normal for me) ate my breakfast in bed, didn't exercise, (big bells going off now, totally not normal for me) proceeded to watch TV in my robe and eat things I wouldn't normally eat. After all if I'm not going to be a leader for a month, whats one day going to hurt! Then finally after waiting for 24 hours for my boss to call and let me know the word, she calls. She then proceeds to tell me that after my two hellacious weeks she would never let me go for gaining 1.4lbs. She then continues on to be compassionate, and then tells me all she expects is for me to lose every month, not every week!!!!!! How did I get that mixed up. Interestingly enough, I immediately had no desire for the chips I had been eating. I felt the most tremendous relief that I have felt in 6 weeks. I felt like I could take care of me in the manner I need to. I felt like I could follow program the way I believe in. I felt so HAPPY!!!!! I got out the Ensign, and read that article I mentioned. It was the frosting on the cake!

Well the day is not over and I need to exercise, the old me is back!!!! So I better quit for now. I am going to my Uncle's Funeral tomorrow. I will be able to see some people I haven't seen for a long time. It should be nice. I love you all!!!