I'm still here, but just barely!!

We just got back from Eugene, so I am very tired. I have commented on the new posts and will make a short one for now.

The last few days I have felt like I am totally out of control and exhausted. I am also excited for conference!!! I think I am going to stay in my PJ's all day. I am going to fold and iron clothes during conference and soak up the talks. I LOVE conference, and I really need it!!!

Since July I don't think I have had a weekend or a full week without company, or being out of town visiting, babysitting, or doing church work. I haven't had but maybe two decent scripture studies with journal writing in that time. So it isn't a shock that my life seems out of control. I do realize that I am unbelievably blessed. I just know that something isn't working right.

I LOVE having my family and friends visit, I love having tuna galore in my garage, salmon, tuna, and halibut in my freezer. I love my church callings, I love weight watchers, I love babysitting my grandkids. I just need to figure out how to continue to study my scriptures (key word study, not read) write in my journal, and take control of my life during those times. I know that life is not going to change. I remember when I used to have babies, I would sit down and make a schedule for the first 6 months, because I knew what it took to have a new baby. Then I would make a new schedule for the next season after that. Then when my kids started school, I would make a schedule for the school year, and as summer approached I would make a new schedule for summer. I noticed that when I started having grandkids and Amy had private school in our home, I couldn't seem to get it together any more. There has to be a way to have grandkids, and people visit, and still have my personal relationship with Heavenly Father. I don't' understand why I can't seem to get it. I need to talk to Carol about this. I used to go to Carol when new stages would come into my life. She would walk through them before I did. I think she might be able to help me with the grandkid thing, but the whole bed and breakfast lifestyle that has happened since we came to the coast is confusing to me and most people I know around here. Rebecca used to give me a hard time and say I was always waiting for happiness around the corner, but I couldn't seem to explain that that was not what I was saying. I just want to figure out how to do this part of my life. There has to be an answer. I think it is just I need to sit down and make a plan, but it seems like I do that and then someone comes to visit or I go visit someone or Steve needs a big talk or something to do on the new beach house, one more time to change all the websites. I'm confused.

Anyway, it was great fun with Tanner and Kate and Lizzie. Tanner and Kate are so sweet and so loving. It was fun to have everyone on the weekend also. Ruby is so happy.

I'm sorry I am such a drag. I am open to ideas, I truly am happy and grateful, just confused and tired.

I am sure after or between conference I can be more up. Like I said I am not complaining, I just want to feel more in control. Is that not possible?

Love you all. I promise to share more fun things soon.

One fun but very silly thing, Megan and Jessica Walker both commented on how good my bum looked tonight. Now to most people that might not seem like a big deal, but since I was in high school, I have never gotten a positive thing said about my back side, most of the time I was told I looked like a boy, or that I had no rear end. The first time someone complimented me on it was after I lost my weight, it was my brother. Since that day no one has, so tonight I am thinking maybe I'll wear these pants more often!! Oh one more thing, I am feeling pretty good about my bum and these pants, and about 5 min before I leave the Mitchell's, Amy says, mom your fly is open. Now I hadn't gone to the bathroom since I put these pants on so you know what that means, my zipper was undone the whole night!!!! Thankfully I had my big coat on my arm, which probably covered my pants most of the night. Uggghhh. Well, I must have needed to be humbled!!! I had to say something silly to lighten this post!!!!

I just ate a banana and feel a little more up and decided I need to add something not so down. I did something fun today. Lyndsey and I went to pick out fabric for Miles (jakes new baby due soon) quilt, it was fun. It is totally different than something I would ever make, but I like it and am so excited to start it. I am going to devote this week to making the quilt, dust ruffle, and sheets. The sewing room is a comfort to me, so it should be a good week. I will take pics of the fabrics and the design and post them tomorrow.

I also put a challenge out to my weight watcher people this week that I am very excited about. I started a contest where they can earn points for exercise, attending meetings, drinking their water, and a weekly challenge that will change from week to week. I have some people that are stuck, so I am hoping this will help them. The contest is for the holiday season, it will start this week and end the week after the first of Jan. The prize will be a dinner for them and a guest at my home. I will give them a choice of Salmon, Halibut, or Tuna; potatoes, rice or pasta ( I make a really tasty pasta dish with fresh herbs and olive oil); home made bread, and if they want dessert- chocolate or berry pie. Anyone that participates will also get some kind of prize. And I will come up with some 2nd, third and 4th prizes. They all seemed excited about it. Oh and one more thing to get me out into my greenhouse, I promised them organic fresh baby greens from my greenhouse. That means I need to plant them!! So now I have to play in my greenhouse!! Hee hee!

Well, it is almost midnight, so this is ridiculous, I am off to bed!